If You Give Mikey A Cookie: Revisted!
by candelight
Summary: Turtle Tot! Mikey winds up with an, um, unconventional babysitter. If you give Mikey a cookie, will he put a cork in it and leave you alone? Probably not. Will you wind up getting into fistfights with truckers and have to listen to singing inmates? Yup.


If You Give Mikey A Cookie: Revisited

Turtle Tot! Mikey winds up with an, um, unconventional babysitter. If you give Mikey a cookie, will he put a cork in it and leave you alone? Probably not. Will you wind up getting into fistfights with truck drivers and be forced to listen to singing inmates? Very probable.

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><p><strong>Because I had to. :) Sometimes, there doesn't need to be much reason. Hope you enjoy, and don't sue me for scarring the main character for life. <strong>

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><p>If you finally break down and give Michelangelo a cookie...<p>

...will he finally put a cork in it and leave you alone?

Of course not, you idiot. Next time, you might actually remember to be more specific when you're higher than a kite, making ridiculous wishes concerning your childhood cartoon heroes. As in, request them to not be in "fun size."

Mikey's going to run around screaming from the sugar high until you crack and park his shell in front of the TV. (Take that, fretting parenting magazines you "skim" in the grocery check-out isle.)

He will then be educated by a purple dinosaur, who will tell him scissors are dangerous. So, he'll simply climb up your shelf to grab some, intending to bury them in the backyard.

You'll have to pull the little shellhead down before he hurts himself, but of course, he manages to knock over your beer. The smell will remind him of your best friend Ernie, and he will pester you to call him.

Of course, the lazy, good-for-nothin' redneck is going to sleep through the phone ringing off the wire, so he proposes that you go out and visit him. (He'll be waiting in the car, watching Spongebob.) After persistently hiding your face in the pillows and realizing that the little terror is NOT going to let this drop, you finally give in, and the two of you are backing out of the driveway, and heading on your way.

Of course, Mikey will turn up the volume very, very, very loud, and insist on replaying Spongebob's "F.U.N." song over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. After asking politely (Through gritted teeth) for Michelangelo to please stop doing that, or to at least turn the volume down, you will be refused again and again and agai-well, you get the point.

As a result, your blood pressure will soar. You will try to remember the breathing techniques that your disturbingly happy Anger Management teacher Paul taught you. This will fail, and you will soon succumb to severe road rage, and pass through numerous red lights.

You will then accidentally bump into the back of a pickup truck full of chickens, successfully opening the crates and sending squawking birds scattering all over the road, holding up traffic. Mikey will watch with interest from the safety of the backseat as the enraged, beefy man covered head to foot in tattoos gets out of the car, and strides towards you, asking you if you happen to be some sort (censored) (censored) (censored) moron.

You'll unwisely give into your own temper, and tell the man that it was his own damn fault for losing his own damn chickens, because rednecks like him don't let their friends drive drunk; they get drunk and ride home with their drunk friends.

Evidently, this will not sit too well with your new "friend," and he will start chasing you around the road, shouting some nasty things not suitable for publication. Mikey will start munching on some popcorn he had in a baggie while you and Farmer Joe start slapping each other across the face.

Soon, the police will come, and Farmer Joe will call you some more nasty names before he hastily climbs into his truck, and flees the scene. You will have to hide in a nearby ditch as the police sirens start wailing in the distance; no time to drive away!

Unfortunately, police officers will come and inspect your vehicle (They will admire Mikey's elaborate "turtle costume") and they will gently bribe him into telling them your wherabouts. Mikey hesitates, until the nice policemen offer him a lollipop.

So, you're soon arrested, and taken to a holding cell. Unfortunately, Mikey will have to come with you, and he will teach the inmates how to sing the FUN song while you wither away in a corner, your ears practically bleeding. The inmates will be touched by their musical education, and, while your back is turned, will teach Mikey a valuable trick that invariably get you into trouble later.

Your wife comes to pay bail. She serves you with papers.

When you're back in the car, the two of you will start arguing, and, while your wife is yelling softened (For Mikey's sake) obscenities, she is not looking where she is going, and so, she crashes the car into a fire hydrant. Thankfully, none of you are hurt, but you still have to flee the car; the engine's on fire.

Even when you run far away, you can still faintly smell smoke. This will remind you and your wife of the concert where they met, and you will start to patch things up by kissing sweetly. You're probably going to get some tonight.

Of course, Mikey will be understandably grossed out by the sight of you two smooching, and will in all likelihood start to make retching noises, which kind of kills the mood.

You want Mikey to be quiet, but how in the world do you do it?

Then, you remember you have another cookie in your pocket.


End file.
